the procedure (or) please wait and wait some more

the waiting room of a hospital is an interesting place.  i had a small procedure performed this morning and here are some observations i have made.  it’s almost impossible for me, Suzy Penny, to sit and not write…… no matter where i am.  here we go:

1. there’s no need to worry about getting to the hospital at your assigned apt time.  just go anytime you want as long as it’s not AFTER your apt.  i’ve tried this little experiment.  i’ve arrived right on time….. and waited for an hour past my given apt time.  today, i arrived 45 minutes earlier.  didn’t matter. i still waited until AFTER allotted time.  hospitals don’t have a concept of time.  huge proof of this was the clock in the waiting room.  my husband brought to my attention that it said 8:40 AM when it was clearly 9:10 AM.  when i finally went into my apt, it still read 8:40 AM.  Can anyone say “Twighlight Zone”?

2. everyone is dying to know what each other is there for.  what procedure? what disease? give me the gories!  but the question is never posed. looks are tossed around and quiet assumptions are made while conclusions are drawn but no one ever knows what………………………..

3. when you enter for a procedure at our hospital you’re given a number – like the one at the deli counter which is a much more desired place than this- and that gets attached to your paperwork for the duration of your stay at the hospital.  the numbers don’t go in order and they skip around all over the place.  today is i was “G77” which meant nothing until i heard it called.  There was a poor man at one point that got his 6 and 9 mixed up.  he almost went for the wrong procedure.  when a number is called, everyone waits a brief second to check their number before making a move. no one wants to go in for a procedure that might happen at the wrong end.

4. my sweet husband went with me this morning and at my urging, he went to get a tea for his wait.  while he was gone, i set my purse in his chair to ‘save it’.  he thanked me when he got back because the place had filled with lots of people and he would have had to stand. i told him it was no problem. i’m kinda particular who i sit next to in a hospital waiting room!

5.the chairs in the waiting room are pretty funny.  first of all, i believe they are circa 1977. these wooded-armed single seat creations are covered in a lovely orange hounds-tooth pattern. your little tushy sinks into this hole as you slide down into the contraption so the you bend over to see if you’re almost touching the floor. i’ve been here so long that i’m not sure i’ll be able to get out once they call my number.  my husband might have to give me a little kick with his foot at the bottom of my chair to get me out of it.

6. after i heard my number being gloriously sung over the sighs of other patients, i was herded down a hall and into a locker room where i had to put on one of those lovely backward gowns. “oh, and don’t bother to tie it up,” said the man in the blue scrubs.  great!  so here i waited, again, with a cold back on a hard service, this time, for him to come and get me.  good thing i was born a tough broad!

finally the procedure was done and i walked out of the room with all of my clothes on and in one piece.  all-in-all it was an experience that i wouldn’t call horrible but one that can be written about and laughed about.  i hope i can continue to laugh at stuff like that as i age. might be the only way i’ll get through like.


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